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Bartesian Beaten: The Ultimate Home Cocktail Machine

Tuesday, June 24, 2025 | 1:19 AM WIB | 0 Views Last Updated 2025-07-20T08:42:23Z

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Automated Cocktail Makers: Convenience vs. Craft

For those who enjoy entertaining but prefer not to spend the entire evening playing bartender, automated cocktail makers offer a tempting proposition. These machines, reminiscent of pod-based coffee makers, promise to deliver consistent, made-to-order cocktails at the touch of a button. But how well do they actually perform, and are they worth the investment? We explored the world of automated cocktail machines, focusing on the Bev by Black & Decker and its primary competitor, the Bartesian, to determine which offers the best value and cocktail quality.

How Do These Cocktail Machines Work?

The basic principle behind these machines is simple. Instead of coffee pods, you purchase pre-filled capsules containing the non-alcoholic ingredients for various cocktails. These capsules, generally sold in packs of eight, cost around $2.50 per drink. The machine then dispenses the appropriate spirits from onboard reservoirs and mixes them with the capsule contents to create a finished cocktail.

The Bev by Black & Decker, for instance, features designated spots for five 750-milliliter bottles of liquor: gin, rum, tequila, vodka, and whiskey. While this categorization is somewhat simplistic – "whiskey" encompasses a wide range of styles – the system is flexible enough to allow users to swap bottles as needed. A sixth spot holds water, essential for diluting the cocktail and mimicking the effect of melting ice. Metal straws draw the liquids from the bottles into the machine.

A barcode reader scans the capsule to identify the cocktail and determine which liquors to dispense. A knob allows users to adjust the drink's strength, from a non-alcoholic mocktail to a "heavy" pour containing approximately 2.5 ounces of spirits. Once the settings are selected, pressing the "mix" button initiates the process. The machine combines the spirits and water with the capsule's contents, dispensing a finished cocktail in under 30 seconds. LED lights illuminate the bottles as they are being used, adding a visually appealing touch.

Are the Cocktails Any Good?

Bartesian offers a wide selection of over 50 cocktail capsule varieties. Taste tests revealed a mixed bag, with some cocktails proving more successful than others. In a casual survey, participants rated the average cocktail quality at 3.4 out of 5, with a 3.8 rating for whether they would drink the same cocktail again. The general consensus was that the cocktails were surprisingly decent, if not exceptional.

The capsules themselves do not contain any alcohol; they are primarily composed of water, sugar, and juice concentrate – essentially flavored syrups. While these ingredients form the base of many cocktails, testers often found the drinks lacking a fresh element and leaning towards excessive sweetness. Margarita varieties, for example, were generally well-received but paled in comparison to those made with freshly squeezed lime juice and high-quality triple sec. Some found certain cocktails surprisingly good, such as the rum-based jungle bird and the old fashioned.

However, some cocktails were outright failures. The negroni, traditionally made entirely of spirits (gin, Campari, and sweet vermouth), suffered from the capsule's attempt to replicate the Campari and vermouth flavors. The resulting concoction was described as having an overwhelming woody, herbaceous flavor, reminiscent of "rosemary bug spray." Similarly, the martini tasted artificial and unpleasant, with many testers declining to finish it.

Bev vs. Bartesian: Which Machine is Better?

While both machines aim to automate cocktail creation, the Bev by Black & Decker emerges as the superior choice for several reasons. The primary issue with the Bartesian is its flawed liquor dispensing system. The Bartesian requires users to pour their spirits into included glass bottles, which are then inverted and inserted into the machine. This design leads to some spirit being drawn into the machine's internal lines, potentially contaminating subsequent cocktails made with different liquors. For example, a gin martini following a mai tai could be tainted by residual rum. While rinsing the lines is an option, it wastes valuable liquor.

Beyond the contamination issue, the Bartesian suffers from other drawbacks. Its touchscreen is low-resolution and less responsive than expected for its price point. The overall build quality feels less robust compared to the Bev, with more flex in the plastic body and misaligned seams. Furthermore, the Bartesian is generally more expensive than the Bev.

The Cordless Option

For those seeking greater portability, Black+Decker offers a cordless version of the Bev. This model retains the same design and features as the original but includes a battery that allows it to operate without being plugged into a wall. The battery is advertised to last for approximately 250 cocktails and is compatible with Black+Decker's power tools, allowing for easy swapping or the purchase of a spare to ensure uninterrupted cocktail service.

Who Should Buy a Cocktail Machine?

Automated cocktail makers like the Bev are best suited for individuals who frequently entertain and have ample counter space. They offer a convenient way to serve a variety of cocktails without the need to constantly play bartender. However, it's important to consider the quality of the cocktails, which may not match those made with fresh ingredients and expert technique. As one tester noted, these machines are "good for entertaining company, not for household use." Another described them as "an easy conversation starter."

The advantage of the Bev over canned cocktails lies in the ability to choose your own spirits and adjust the alcohol volume. Additionally, the novelty of a robot making your drink adds a touch of futuristic fun to any gathering.

In conclusion, while automated cocktail makers may not replace the skill and artistry of a professional bartender, they offer a convenient and entertaining option for casual gatherings. The Bev by Black & Decker stands out as the better choice due to its superior design, ease of use, and avoidance of cross-contamination issues.

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