Why Parents Should Stop Criticizing Kids on the Drive Home After Sports
 |
|
For many young athletes, the ride home after a game or practice can be almost as memorable as the competition itself.
A disappointing performance can leave children dealing with frustration, embarrassment or disappointment. When parents immediately begin analyzing mistakes, questioning effort or offering criticism, the conversation can turn an already difficult moment into a source of lasting tension.
Sports experts and researchers say parents may be better off giving young athletes time to process what happened—and making the journey home a place where the parent-child relationship matters more than the result.
The “Drive Home” Can Become a Difficult Part of Youth Sports
The post-game car ride has become a familiar experience in youth sports. A child gets into the car after a difficult game, and a parent starts discussing missed opportunities, mistakes or apparent lack of effort.
The intention is often positive. Parents may believe they are helping their child improve.
But children may experience those conversations differently.
The CNN report highlighted the experience of Melanie Bedard, whose son Connor Bedard became captain of the Chicago Blackhawks and is regarded as one of hockey’s leading young players.
Melanie Bedard recalled hearing that some of her son's teammates would become upset because they did not want to endure the drive home with their parents after games.
Her concern was that parents could become so focused on developing a successful athlete that they lose sight of the relationship with their child.
That distinction can become particularly important when children are still developing their relationship with sport.
Why Children May Eventually Quit Playing
The pressure surrounding youth sports can have consequences beyond one uncomfortable conversation.
Karri Dawson, former executive director of the True Sport Foundation, told CNN that the organization’s campaign about post-game conversations was aimed at well-intentioned parents who might not realize how strongly their words affect their children.
“The number one reason why kids leave sport is because it’s not fun anymore,” Dawson said, according to CNN.
The source report also cites the American Academy of Pediatrics saying that 70% of youth athletes drop out of organized sports by age 13.
The statistic does not mean that criticism from parents is responsible for all youth sports dropouts. But it highlights why maintaining enjoyment and a healthy relationship with sport can matter during childhood.
What Researchers Found in Real Post-Game Conversations
The conversations that take place inside the car after games have also been studied.
Jeemin Kim, an assistant professor of kinesiology at Michigan State University, worked with the late Katherine Tamminen on research examining interactions between young athletes and their parents after sporting events.
Their findings, published in January 2022, were based on recordings involving 28 parent-child pairs and approximately 30 hours of footage.
The results were more nuanced than the stereotype of parents constantly yelling at their children.
Kim told CNN that 59% of the recorded time was silent. Conversations about sport accounted for only about 13% of the recordings.
Parents also offered more praise about their children's performances than the young athletes offered themselves.
The findings suggest that not every post-game conversation is a confrontation. Sometimes silence may actually give children the space they need to process their emotions.
“When emotions are running high, it’s not a bad thing to sit there and then let the emotions cool down,” Kim told CNN.
Silence Can Sometimes Be Better Than Advice
After a difficult game, young athletes may already know what went wrong.
They know when they missed an important shot, made an error or failed to perform as expected. A detailed analysis from a parent may therefore add pressure without providing anything the child actually needs at that moment.
Brad Stulberg, an author who writes about peak performance and a coach of his own children's youth teams, told CNN that analyzing the game immediately afterward can send an unintended message.
Even praise focused heavily on performance can create the impression that the parent's excitement depends on how well the child played.
For children, that can make the relationship between sport and parental approval increasingly complicated.
Instead, parents can allow their children to decide whether they want to talk about the game.
If they want feedback, they can ask for it.
If they want silence, that can be valuable too.
The Best Conversation May Have Nothing to Do With Sports
One of the most useful lessons from the story is surprisingly simple: the drive home does not have to be a post-game review session.
Parents can ask about school, music, friends or anything else their child enjoys.
The goal is to remind children that their relationship with their parents does not depend on their athletic performance.
Former professional soccer player John O'Sullivan, founder of the Changing the Game Project, has also spoken publicly about the temptation to discuss a child's performance immediately after a game.
His advice is simple: tell your child, “I love watching you play.”
That message shifts the emphasis away from winning and toward the experience of participating.
Richard Williams Took a Different Approach
The CNN report points to Richard Williams, father of tennis stars Venus and Serena Williams, as an example of a parent who deliberately separated the journey home from discussions about tennis.
According to the report, Williams established a rule that there would be no tennis talk during the drive home, whether his daughters had won or lost.
The idea was to protect the relationship between parent and child from becoming completely centered on athletic performance.
Most parents will not have the same circumstances as the father of two future tennis champions, but the principle can still apply to ordinary youth sports.
A child should be able to lose a game without feeling that they have disappointed their parent.
Parents Can Support Young Athletes Without Taking Over
That does not mean parents should never discuss performance.
Constructive feedback can have a place, particularly when a child asks for it or when a coach has specific guidance to share.
Children's Hospital Colorado similarly recommends that parents emphasize effort, growth and enjoyment rather than focusing exclusively on results, statistics or playing time. It also encourages parents to give young athletes room to communicate with coaches and take ownership of their sporting experience.
The timing of feedback can matter just as much as the content.
Immediately after a difficult competition, emotions are often still high. Waiting until later—or allowing the child to bring up the subject themselves—may produce a more productive conversation.
The Drive Home Should Not Become the Price of Playing
Youth sports can teach children resilience, teamwork, discipline and how to handle setbacks.
But those benefits can be harder to realize if children begin associating every game with a post-match interrogation.
The most important thing for parents may therefore be to remember that their child is more important than the score.
A missed shot, poor race or disappointing match will eventually become part of the past. The relationship between a parent and child can last much longer.
For parents sitting behind the wheel after the next difficult game, the best response may be remarkably simple: give the child some space, let them decide whether they want to talk, and remind them that you enjoyed watching them play.
Post a Comment for "Why Parents Should Stop Criticizing Kids on the Drive Home After Sports"