While seated in my therapy office in Hong Kong, I gazed into the pitch-blackness of a thunderous downpour. Following our usual blackout procedures, all my coworkers were safely at their homes. All scheduled appointments for the day had been canceled. Left alone within the silent confines of the deserted medical center, I listened to the distant pattering of raindrops hitting the full-length glass panes. In that solitude, I questioned whether I truly found satisfaction in my current path through life. Several hours passed before I made up my mind to step away from it all. Within two days, I informed them about vacating my leased residence. Now after twelve months, it has dawned upon me that leaving behind everything turned out to be the most advantageous decision possible.
The onset of a new year often prompts introspection and the setting of New Year’s resolutions. Perhaps you aim to adopt a better diet, increase your physical activity, or take up an interest you've been postponing. According to a Hong Kong YouGov poll, common goals for 2024 include financial management, travel plans, personal connections, fitness improvements, and overall wellness. Gym proprietors understand this pattern well; many see high attendance rates in January but observe these numbers decline significantly come February before stabilizing at lower levels by March. Research suggests that over 90 percent of people fail to uphold their initial commitments. Achieving lasting change requires significant effort.
Whether we aim for minor enhancements in our daily routines or require an extensive restructuring of how everything works, the approach remains largely consistent. Progress unfolds gradually—starting with the bold leap into uncertainty as the initial action. Even slight modifications might seem daunting, which explains why we often procrastinate despite being discontented. My choice to undertake this major transition was something I had contemplated for quite some time; however, I kept postponing it. The reason? Comfort lies in familiarity.
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By late 2023, six months had passed since Hong Kong ended its 945-day mask requirement. The previous three years were marked by constant worry, strain, and sorrow. Numerous research papers highlight the rise in mental health problems throughout this period, particularly increases in mood disorders, anxiety, and PTSD cases. This chapter of history has faded from frequent contemplation despite how profoundly it impacted our psychological well-being.
A lot of us have been struggling to stay afloat using whatever methods possible. Persistent mental health issues continue to go unaddressed. Many of us have been awaiting a return to pre-pandemic norms so we can regain control over our lives. However, inevitably, after the pandemic passed, things did not revert to their previous state; instead, changes occurred. Both the world around us and we ourselves underwent transformations.
Transformation is unavoidable. Our encounters intertwine with the plot of our personal histories, which means we’re always evolving, even during moments of stagnation. We could find ourselves entangled in a challenging partnership where solitude seems daunting. Alternatively, we may endure lengthy workdays at a career that gradually diminishes our spirit, yet the urgency of covering expenses can feel overwhelming. It’s possible that genuine happiness remains elusive to us. Or perhaps we hesitate to disrupt the status quo.
Although we recognize the necessity of altering the current state of affairs, jumping into an unpredictable future can be extremely daunting. Our minds gravitate towards what’s familiar as it symbolizes security. According to neuroscience, change triggers both the emotional part of our brain—the amygdala—and the thinking part—known as the prefrontal cortex. When faced with uncertainty, the amygdala responds with fear, leading to feelings of being overwhelmed; thus, prompting us naturally toward protection and constancy.
The prefrontal cortex assists us in taking charge, making choices, and adjusting to alterations surrounding us. It’s a sophisticated part of the brain demanding substantial energy for operation. However, as fear increases, more energy shifts towards basic survival mechanisms, diverting focus from logical reasoning. Consequently, interaction between emotional and cognitive regions may cease, hindering clear thought processes and impeding our capacity to handle fear and transformation. As a result, we freeze up. We opt for familiar risks rather than novel prospects. Fear prevails over personal development.
Did I fear losing my sole means of financial support and retreating from a profession I had dedicated much of my youth to building? Certainly. However, during times of transformation, we have the chance to shape the future we desire. The real remedy for anxieties about tomorrow lies not in control, but in creativity. Now is not the time to dampen our zeal; instead, it’s an occasion to grant ourselves permission to envision what our lives might look like as we venture into uncharted territories. Regardless of whether these shifts are minor or monumental, they invariably begin with a longing that deserves our attention.
Transforming requires effort. Overhauling my entire life was akin to attempting to manage countless chores simultaneously: concluding work commitments; handling sales, packing, and relocation; administrative duties such as banking, MPF, taxes, and updating addresses. Include partners, pets, children, or senior relatives into this mix, and it’s simple to feel overwhelmed. To avoid succumbing to larger-scale anxiety, I concentrated on tackling specific tasks one at a time.
James Prochaska’s transtheoretical model, often referred to as the stages of change model, leads us through the behavioral modification journey with several key phases: precontemplation (where we haven’t thought about making changes), contemplation (when we’re weighing the pros and cons of changing), preparation (after deciding to make alterations, we plan out steps accordingly), action (implementing those planned activities), maintenance (sustaining these modifications over time and preventing backsliding), and termination (fully integrating new behaviors so they become second nature).
Precontemplation represents a state of unaware contentment, yet during this period, we could unconsciously lay the groundwork for upcoming transformations. Next comes the contemplation stage—the most challenging step. Here, we acknowledge that changes are necessary but remain uncertain about how to proceed. This uncertainty often leads to analysis paralysis where we scrutinize each tiny detail so thoroughly that decision-making becomes immobilized. The ambiguity of being stuck between states triggers stress, which subsequently reinforces our self-imposed limitations.
"The phrase 'I can’t do it' undoubtedly stands as one of the most common and powerful negative thoughts ever expressed." There’s an inverse connection between self-efficacy—the confidence we have in our abilities—and making changes. In order to bring about change, we must first trust in our capacity to accomplish it; conversely, achieving these transformations bolsters our faith in ourselves.
“I’m not a kid anymore.” These words can trap us in an unyielding grip until we abandon our dreams for lifeless stagnation. We’ve learned that growing up means shouldering responsibilities, which often seems synonymous with enduring pain. The idea is that we shouldn’t merely indulge in playful enjoyment. Yet, doing so is crucial for our well-being. Balancing moderation and foresight allows us to harmoniously blend happiness and duty.
"What if my choice turns out to be incorrect?" It’s beneficial to release the idea that some choices are inherently correct or incorrect; instead, every selection offers an experience. Identifying what hinders us is essential. Often, fear of failure, pain, losing dear people, or appearing silly holds us back. Recognizing the root cause of our hesitation allows us to address these issues effectively. After making up your mind, you transition from contemplating changes to preparing for them. This shift transforms anxiety into concentration, mastery, independence, enthusiasm, foresight, and ultimately, decisive action.
Transformation brings pain. Whenever we experience change, there is always an element of gaining new opportunities alongside losing familiar aspects. It requires bravery. Perhaps we're departing from a place we once considered home, altering our daily habits, or seeing distances grow within connections that were previously very close to us. Even though we willingly embraced this shift, we may still feel reluctant about being sad. Just because promising prospects await doesn’t imply that we shouldn't grieve over what we’re saying goodbye to.
Occasionally, I am caught off guard by the extent to which I long for those peaceful moments perched atop my favorite tree or observing our Lantau cattle eagerly waiting for sweet orange pieces near my doorstep. I pine for friends dropping in for a steaming cup of coffee and gathering around campfires with marshmallows that didn’t quite toast right. Nonetheless, I genuinely cherish the life I've elected to lead.
It’s crucial to create room for mourning and the intricate emotions triggered by transformation, like fear, anger, guilt, or shame. Contemplating these sentiments helps us work through them. This reflection also enables us to bid heartfelt farewells not only to locations and individuals but also to aspects of our former selves as we embrace the person we aspire to be.
Prior to that significant downpour, I was feeling stuck. The three-year span of the pandemic, marked by fluctuating rules and constant uncertainty from week to week, made me yearn desperately for some consistency—despite not truly being content. It seemed like I was spinning endlessly on a treadmill: working just to cover expenses, set aside savings, and advance my professional life. Major life events such as buying a home, getting married, and having children were looming ahead. While these milestones could be suffocating, they still appeared less daunting than deviating from what society deemed normal.
Similar to most people, I often believed that circumstances would improve eventually. After the pandemic concluded, we would secure that promotion, find our ideal partner, start a family, or achieve any other aspirations we harbored, believing life would become more favorable. However, I realized that changes needed to happen now rather than waiting for some hypothetical future. Upon embracing an active part in shaping my own journey, I experienced a wave of relief and noticed positive shifts beginning to unfold.
Now that I'm no longer working full-time, my professional circle has become quite active, reaching out with various requests. They’ve asked me to consult on corporate training sessions and assist with developing mental health applications. Additionally, I have taken up writing and leading immersive therapeutic retreats—often traveling to places at the top of my wish list such as living among a tribe in Boreno for several months and hopping from one island to another in the Maldives. Naturally, this journey hasn’t always been smooth sailing; however, overall, it’s turned into an incredible experience. Since making these changes, both my psychological well-being and physical health have improved significantly, as I’m now able to fully engage without being weighed down by daily tasks and deadlines.
Within each of us lies a cemetery of aspirations where old tombstones gather beneath layers of dust, and faded blooms mark lost hopes. Let’s wipe away the grime and recall those inspirations from days gone by. Use this fresh year to take a moment and listen closely to your inner self—what emotions stir within? What transformations do you long for? Trust in yourself completely; we have an obligation to nurture both our psychological well-being and the thrilling possibilities that await our empowered futures.
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The article initially appeared on the South China Morning Post (www.scmp.com), which serves as the premier source of news covering China and Asia.
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